The Golden Toilet

Squawk, squawk!

It’s been 18 hours since I left work and I have barely recovered. I went home and drank horse choker rum and cokes. Erin called them chick drinks–she’d be right if it was most a mug of Black Seal Rum and a drop of coke. Nah, she’s right, it was pretty chickish. The dogs joined me out back as I listen to a podcast. The air was cool, the lawn wet and the dogs lazy. Such a difference from the night that I experienced.

Type A personalities. Tough, strong and unfamiliar with waiting. They clothes were expensive but cheap. Too much cologne and trinkets  hung from their necks and wrists and they drank like pussies. Too many mojitos, pina coladas and the power drink of the douche-bag,  Grey Goose and water. Worst of all, everyone of them had a black belt in string ordering.

def. String Order: While placing a multiple drink order, a customer orders each drink individually instead as a group.

I can count past one and I have decent short term memory. Want two Coronas, three vodka and Red Bulls, a mojito and a Long Island? Then order it. Instead of normal drinkers, I got 16 years old drinking in a busy bar with their dad’s credit card for the first time. They would have been manageable if I didn’t have a full bar in front of me. Keeping my head above water meant working at speeds I don’t like operating.

I am a firm believer that you need to work at optimum speed. If you can pour $1,400 a night make sure you can hit that number. I think my number is around $3,400. That’s a big number and there are somethings that need to happen to make sure I can go that fast. Big rounds of shots going out, bottle beer over draft beer, people starting tabs or paying with cash and the avoidance of string orderers. Unfortunately, no one decided to play nice.

The customer that got under my skin more than any other was a guy string ordering blended pina coladas and having the nerve to report my “sluggish” performance to my boss. Turkey. Because he had to wait up to 2 minutes to get his drink, he decides to rat me out. Makes me wonder how big his golden toilet is.


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